Even with a spouse that is a true partner and shares loads of laundry, cooking and carpooling, the complexity of a family's daily life usually requires paid-for support. Now if you can afford it, you can pay for just about anything to be done. Or, sometimes, we don't think we have an option and just do everything ourselves because that's what a "good enough" wife, mother, employee is "supposed to do." That, by the way, is never a good idea. I realize just how antiquated this sounds, but when you consider that "women's liberation" was only a mere 35 years ago (give or take), it is totally understandable that real examples of how to balance home and work are not easy to come by.
But don't lose hope! I am going to share some easy steps you can take to get the support you need right now:
1. Housework
Adjust. Purge. Adjust again. You may for a short period of time in your life want to adjust your view of what a clean and organized house looks like. Schedules are complicated and you may not be able to give the amount of time to detail as you once did (before family, business trips, etc.) It's not defeat, it's reality. And this leads to the next step; the purge. Yes, I said it! Do you really need everything you have? Stuff creates clutter and clutter is an energy vampire. It sucks your time, your psyche and your overall outlook. After you've done the purge, adjust again. Set a schedule for cleaning, enlist the "all hands on deck" motto - never too early to get the kids enlisted - and then test it out for a week or two and see how it's going. You can always rinse and repeat the process!
2. Kids
Uncomplicate! I know the routine all too well! After work you get slammed with practices, games, dance lessons, etc. Here too, you need to adjust. In my neighborhood there is an unspoken expectation that the more activities you have your kids enrolled in, the better parent you are. This shocked me when I moved out to the burbs! I was just unwilling to have dinner - aka fast food - in the car between activities when I was aching to get home, have some down time and enjoy just "being" with my kids. Adjust, choose. It's up to you. I know it is unavoidable at times to get the squeeze. If you can double up with another parent, barter or pay someone to do the driving around... just do it! I know I felt bad that the stay-at-home mom would get stuck carting my kid around because I wasn't home from work in time, but then I would treat her to her favorite latte, magazines or a night out when I'd watch her kids. Don't suffer in silence. Seek out the support you need!
3. Career
Play the game. There are some great companies out there who have very flexible work schedules, back up day care, job sharing, telecommuting and a host of other options to help you be your best at work. If your company is not up to this speed as yet, I understand the challenges you may face. When I'd have to leave early because my child was sick, if it happened more than two times in one month, I would say the appointment was for me. I didn't want to be looked down upon because I had kids who needed me. I did not feel like I was being authentic, but I knew because of the environment I was in, that I was doing what was best for everyone. And you do too. Don't be too hard on yourself if you need to make certain decisions - within reason of course - to help you manage the rigors of your work life and family life.
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